Follow Your Heart
by Micaiah
Summary: Tag to 11.11, Into the Mystic. Dean is alone with his thoughts and most of them are things he doesn't want to think about at all.


Dean sighed heavily, wishing he could blame his restlessness on the fact that his head was still ringing from where he'd bashed it into the wall, but he knew he'd only be lying to himself. If only it was that simple. If only he could be so lucky.

Ever since his last encounter with Amara, he couldn't get her out of his mind. Mildred had said he was pining for someone. Was this what she meant? Was it pining for someone when the thought of them terrified and excited you at the same time? Dean couldn't deny there was an attraction but like he'd told Cas, there was something else…..something stronger than pure sexual attraction…something he'd never felt before…..at least not with a woman. The only thing that came close was the way he'd felt when he bore the Mark and that was what terrified him. Even though the Mark was gone from his arm, he wasn't free. He was still fighting it….some days he wondered if he would always be fighting it, until it finally consumed him. Amara had said they were bound….she said Dean setting her free was destiny. He didn't believe in destiny but he did believe in crappy luck and ever since he'd taken on the Mark, he'd had some of the worst.

" _I can't be resisted."_

Dean buried his face in his hands, knowing Amara was right. He hadn't been able to resist that first kiss and it had only left him wanting more. Dean had always had a soft spot for pretty women but Amara wasn't really a woman, no matter how much she looked like one. God, how he wished she didn't look like one.

" _You and I will be together."_

"No…..not happening." Saying it aloud still didn't quite convince his heart.

Mildred had told him to follow his heart…..she said following your heart was the secret to a long and happy life. Right now following his heart felt like the quickest path to destruction. Or maybe it wasn't his heart. Good thing he hadn't popped any of those Viagra he snaked for the fun of it when Sam wasn't looking. If so, he might have already hunted down Amara and begged her to have her way with him.

" _We will become one. Why wouldn't you want that?"_

Dean moaned. "Get out of my head."

He had to tell Sam. He'd wanted to from the beginning but Sam had so much on his own plate. He blamed himself for setting the Darkness free and now he'd come face to face with Lucifer again. Dean didn't want to put another burden on his brother but he needed to confide in him. He needed to tell someone who understood him, someone who could make him feel as if he wasn't going crazy, who would convince him he could beat this. Sam could do that. He always did.

But that was the problem. Sam had spent more than a year looking for a way to beat the Mark. He'd continually told Dean he could beat it...even when Dean had given up hope, Sam had still believed. Sammy never gave up. It just wasn't in him and that was one of the many things Dean admired about his little brother but it was also one of the reasons he didn't want to tell him about Amara.

The reaper, Billie, had assured him she would make certain him and Sam stayed dead the next time they died. If Dean told Sam he was fighting the Mark all over again, but this time in the form of Amara….the Darkness that Sam blamed himself for releasing…..Sam would stop at nothing to save him. If it meant sacrificing himself to save his brother, Dean knew Sam would do it, but it also meant Sam could die and that was something Dean wasn't ready to face…that was something he would never be ready to face.

So for now, he'd keep it to himself…..maybe talk to Cas if he really needed to. His heart might not tell him the right thing to do when it came to Amara but when it came to Sammy, when it came to protecting his little brother…..his heart had never let him down.

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 **Thanks for reading! Comments are always welcome! This little fic is my 200th fanfic! Thanks to those of you who take time to read and especially those who take time to comment. I appreciate you all!**


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